Mini Episode 16 - Why do groups of adults argue over who gets to pay the bill?

Gerard from Cremorne wants to know why the gloves have to come off when the cheque arrives?

Dan: (00:17)
Welcome to bad decisions. Still rolling through many episodes. I'm your host, Dan Monheit from creative agency hardhat. Today. We have a killer question. This one comes to us from my good man, Gerard. What you got for us

Gerard: (00:31)
Last night, I was out for dinner with friends. And when it came to paying a bill, we did that classic, awkward back and forward dance with the cheque. No, I'll pay it. No, no, let me, why do groups of adults argue over? Who gets to pay the bill?

Dan: (00:45)
Gerard, if, if I'm gonna be honest with you, this one plagues me all the time and obviously, you know, part of it is because we're petty and we're irrational, but you already knew that, right? Cuz you listened to the show. See the thing is it does not seem to matter if we are out with childhood friends. If we are at a meal with our extended family, or even if we're out with our celebrity crush, hi, Delli, I'm talking to you when it comes time to pay the bill. Everybody is a bloody hero. So this is odd, right? Especially when you consider in the world of behavioral science, how much we also seem to love the idea of free insisting that we're the ones that pick up the tab despite being chronically underpaid, which of course everybody is chronically over mortgaged, which of course everybody is and chronically in the presence of some other big shot who is also desperately insisting that they pay the bill is first class lunacy.

Dan: (01:30)
So yes, our egos absolutely play a part. But if you're listening to this podcast, you know, there's gotta be more to it. And there is so let's do this Gerard, because when it comes to human behavior, not making any logical, rational or economic sense, feeling bad about spending $0 on a delicious meal is about as crazy as it gets. What we're talking about here is the reciprocity bias and this is our deep seeded need to reciprocate the acts of good faith. Others have shown to us. You see, we have this innate desire to return favors, pay back debts and treat others well who have done the same thing to us. If we don't do this, it leaves us with this feeling of being indebted, which for most of us is like pretty icky and uncomfortable in 2006 David Stroms and his team conducted an experiment in New York city restaurants seeking out ways to increase the tips paid to waitstaff.

Dan: (02:20)
So while all patrons were provided with a great meal, fantastic atmosphere, lovely surface. When it came time to pack it up, some groups of diners were given the check while others were given the check, plus a piece of chocolate in an attempt to sweeten the deal in an act of reciprocity. Those who were given the chocolates tipped almost 20% more than those who received a standalone bill and believe it or not. If the waiter took the time to then walk around the table and offer each of the diners the chance to choose one of their own chocolates, the tips went up a further 18%, which is bananas. Clearly none of these diners worked in procurement or certainly on any procurement department that I've had interactions with. If a person goes out of their way to do something nice for us, you know, like letting us choose our favorite chocolate, we can't help, but feel indebted.

Dan: (03:04)
And that indebtedness is like a burning sensation that only goes away. Once we square the ledger, letting someone else pay for our coffee or our meal is essentially signing up for a dose of torture until such time as we can return the favor. Reciprocity bias explains why we tend to buy at least one bottle of wine after a full cellar door experience. Why we give a few dollars to the Basco who we've just watched perform or why we love buying the first round on a Friday night out? Sure. They're all nice things to do. But more importantly, they let us avoid that inner dread of owing. Other people's stuff. Reciprocity buyers can be a super powerful motivator for consumers, but brands need to be really, really careful with how they approach it. Because for reciprocity buyers to work a brand's offer must be forthcoming and unexpected without directly asking for anything in return.

Dan: (03:50)
So think about things like free samples, bonus add-ons and complimentary training or workshops for bonus points. The more personalised the give the better. So sending customized offers or gifts or offering up personalised introductions in a B2B sense, can all have customers feeling like it might just be time for them to get the next round. So there you have it, Gerard, that is why groups of adults cannot help, but argue over who gets to pay the bill when they go out. If you've got any further questions on weird and wonderful human behaviors that you've observed, please shoot 'em through to me. You can get askdan@hardhat.com or at Dan Moheit All over the internet. We're back in a couple of weeks with our next mini episode until then take care and do something nice for somebody. They might just owe you one.